Relationships – Life Reinspired

Vulnerability – a doorway to living fully

Sabrina Roblin — Wed, 26 Apr 2023 16:34:53 +0000

We get so many messages in our culture about looking good, doing it right, and having it together, that there is a tendency in our society to blame others, try to fix every flaw, act out of fear, and avoid pain. We see it playing out in technicolor in the news these days.

The truth is, we can’t avoid vulnerability, emotional pain, and heartbreak. To be alive, to love, to be a parent, to navigate in the world in our mortal bodies is vulnerable and at times painful. It’s part of life.

If you’re familiar with Brene Brown, you’ll know that she has done some fantastic work on vulnerability. She says, “Vulnerability is not weakness: it’s our greatest measure of courage.”

What became even more apparent to Brene is that when we numb our vulnerability to protect ourselves, we are also numbing ourselves to joy, gratitude, and happiness.

Intimacy, possibility, and transformation can only occur when we are willing to bring our whole heart to life. It is a risk, it takes courage when we are vulnerable, because it’s an entry into the unknown. We don’t have control of the outcome. Things may not work out the way we want, and yet if we want a fulfilling life filled with joy, gratitude and happiness, the willingness to be vulnerable is essential.

There are many ways we experience vulnerability on a daily basis. We can build our capacity for it by exercising discernment, setting healthy boundaries, and practicing intentionally. A few examples are saying no to someone we love risking anger or rejection; trying a new experience we’re not good at; admitting a mistake; allowing ourselves to feel shame, grief, fear, and disappointment.

Living into vulnerability doesn’t happen without practice. You don’t have to start with the big thing.

What is one thing you can begin to do or say differently to create more space for vulnerability to live and grow in your life?

Sabrina Roblin, CPCC, a former executive and co-founder of Life Reinspired, is happily enjoying her best chapter of life. She now helps others do the same. Schedule a free Life Reinspired Strategy Session or email info@lifereinspired.com to learn more.

The Wonder of the Season

Sabrina Roblin — Thu, 01 Dec 2022 17:35:41 +0000

One Christmas morning when I was a little girl, I woke up excited, ran downstairs and found the Christmas stockings empty. I was devastated. I ran back upstairs to my parent’s room and burst in crying that Santa had forgotten us. In my mother’s sleepy state, she must have been thinking fast. She asked me to go back downstairs and check again, just to make sure. I ran downstairs, checked in and around the stockings, found them empty, and ran back to my parent’s room, still crying that Santa had forgotten us. My mother suggested that I check on the roof outside their bedroom window, that the stocking stuffers may have fallen out of Santa’s sack. I ran to the window, opened it, and there on the roof, were small toys and candies meant for the stockings. I squealed in delight, with tears of happiness.

I learned many years later that after coming home from a Christmas Eve party with friends, my parents had forgotten to stuff the stockings before retiring for the night. When my mother sent me back downstairs to check again, she jumped out of bed, threw all the stocking stuffers out on the roof and returned to bed so I wouldn’t know what she’d done. Forgetting turned out to be the best mistake they could have made. Finding the stuffers on the roof enhanced and made real the mystery, wonder and delight of Christmas for me in a way I remember in detail to this day.

Whatever your holiday traditions and beliefs are, it is a time to embrace the wonder and mystery of the unseen, and to bring light to the dark places within and without, through decorations, kind words, and the sharing of good food and laughter. It can be a blue time for many who are especially in need of a hug, a kind word, or the offer of a meal. If you are alone and blue this holiday season, reach out for support.

Be on the lookout for wonder this season and create moments of wonder for others. It brings out the best in us, lifts our spirits and warms our hearts.

Blessings to all and thank you for the gift of your trust and referrals throughout the year!

Embrace the ‘D’ word for better living

Sabrina Roblin — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 23:24:52 +0000

If your reaction to any mention of the dreaded ‘D’ word- death, is dismissal or denial, and if you want to stop reading and click out to something different, you’re in good company. I had a near death experience in my teens, have a will and health directive, have worked as a chaplain in a hospital, and yet I still live at times as though I’m not going to die. Even with the knowledge and experience I have, I often feel as though that final chapter doesn’t apply to me. As terrifying and painful as this life can be at times, it’s still my life and I value it and who and what I love about it deeply. When the time comes, it will be hard to let it go. Although denial is a normal reaction, I invite you to stay and keep reading, as embracing death and educating yourself about it can enrich life and be a gift to your loved ones.

“Perhaps the fact of life most conducive to living fully as a person is an honest awareness and acceptance of death.” – Leo Buscaglia

Facing our mortality and having the important conversations about death and dying with loved ones takes courage. It’s important to embrace courage and have them BEFORE a health crisis, while we’re still healthy. It’s a gift to yourself and your loved ones so that in the midst of a crisis and impending loss, they can rest in the knowing of what to do to honor your values and your wishes.

Where to start?

We die in the character in which we’ve lived, so live now with purpose – contribute to something greater than yourself.
Cultivate your relationships – let your loved ones know how much they mean to you.
Cherish life and all that is good each day.
Answer the following questions and share the answers with your loved ones

What are your fears? (We often fear loss of independence and suffering before death more than death itself).

What tradeoffs are you willing to make to try to stop progression of a disease and or effects of a critical injury? What are you willing and not willing to endure?

If you are critically injured or ill, do you want extreme measures to be taken in the hospital to keep you alive at all costs or not?

Do you prefer to die at home with hospice care and your loved ones around you?

Do you want to donate organs and tissues?

Do you have a health directive that outlines your wishes and has assigned someone you trust with power of attorney for health care if you’re unable to speak for yourself?

What do you believe about death and the afterlife and how does that support you or not?

We won’t have control over how and when we die, but if we have the courage to prepare well, we can increase the chances of being the author of a better death experience for ourselves and our loved ones.

For those who want to engage more with this topic I recommend, The Five Invitations: What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully, by Frank Ostaseski. And as always, I’m here for a conversation, coaching, and spiritual guidance.

Assumptions and Expectations Can Be Relationship Killers

Sabrina Roblin — Sat, 17 Sep 2022 21:31:02 +0000

The title of this month’s blog sounds dramatic, and yet it’s true. Assumptions and expectations about a person’s beliefs and behavior can kill a relationship over time, especially when they are unspoken.

Example assumptions and expectations include:

Now that we have a grandchild, you will want to have them at home during the week for a few hours each day just like I will because you love them as much as I do.
Now that I’m retired and home all the time, you’ll want to spend every day with me because I want to spend every day with you. If you don’t, I’ll feel hurt and rejected.
When I get home, you’ll want to hear about everything I did during my day and be totally present and interested in what I have to say. If you’re not, it means you don’t care about me.
Because you’re my best friend you’ll want to talk with me on the phone once a week for at least an hour. Because I want that, you’ll want that too and be available for it.

These are just a few that can trip us up. The judgement, disappointment, resentment, and anger they can engender become blocks to love and connection.

Conversation that is open and curious to name and explore them is so important, especially for a couple going through a major life change – retirement from a career, an illness, a change in finances or home, or the birth of a grandchild. It is an opportunity to create understanding and design how you want to live individually and together in the relationship.

Relationships are essential to our well-being and are the most important of the five pillars to a fulfilling life. We dream of growing old with our mates and dear friends. By the time we’ve reached the second half of life, we don’t need research to tell us that they are the source of both our greatest pleasures and deepest pains. Navigating them well makes a huge difference in the level of fulfillment and satisfaction we experience in our lives.

Set aside undisturbed time to sit down as a couple or with a best friend. Be as curious about exploring the assumptions and expectations as you would a different country and culture with its customs and beliefs. Then create some agreements about how you’ll find common ground and honor each other. It will reinvigorate your relationship and create the space for more love, joy, understanding and fun.

It All Comes Down to Love

Sabrina Roblin — Fri, 26 Aug 2022 22:42:12 +0000

This summer, I was in a chaplaincy internship at St. Luke’s Hospital in Boise, Idaho, deepening my ability to be present, and increasing my spiritual direction skills with people in a health crisis from all walks of life. It was intense, challenging, emotional at times, and incredibly meaningful. I worked in the intensive care units, medical-surgery, emergency, and had a few visits in labor and delivery supporting anxious Dads whose wives were having complications. In addition to becoming incredibly grateful for my health and the health of my loved ones, I learned what really matters…people…love.

In intensive care I saw two teenage boys tenderly stroke the forehead and kiss the cheek of their mother who was intubated and couldn’t speak. I talked to a man who deeply regretted leaving a woman he loved earlier in his life for a job opportunity. He never loved the same way again. I talked to a woman who ended up in a homeless shelter so she could spend all her money to support her husband in a dementia program where he would be cared for and safe. I met with family members who traveled across the country and from as far away as India at the drop of a hat to see a loved one who had been injured or was dying. I supported deathbed vigils that were expected and those that were unexpected.

In the sick bed and the death bed, people didn’t talk about their in box or the project that needed to be finished at home, they talked about family and loved ones. They talked about taking care of each other, they shared memories of time spent together, their regrets, the nicknames they had for each other. They grieved and prayed for miracles.

I learned how quickly a loved one can be lost – a car accident, an aneurism, a heart attack, a difficult birth, an unexpected complication of surgery. People, those we love and serve, are the most important pillar of our lives. Make them a priority. It all comes down to love.

The Power of a Question

Sabrina Roblin — Mon, 28 Mar 2022 21:55:58 +0000

Transitions can be stressful, especially when leaving a successful career for the next chapter. The uncertainty of the times we’re in adds an additional layer of anxiety to the process. Lots of questions come up – Who will I be without my career? Will I become irrelevant? Will my colleagues keep in touch? Will I be OK financially?

Leaving my career was a tougher transition for me than I expected. I thought the freedom and time to play would bring me joy. I didn’t realize that the loss of purpose, structure, colleagues, and my executive role would throw me for a loop. It’s what inspired me to develop the Life Reinspired work of coaching people to their next best chapter. I’ve found that asking the right kind of questions can make all the difference in how the next chapter unfolds.

If you are either in or facing a major life transition, here are some questions to ask yourself:

What am I learning about myself? Who am I becoming?
What’s important to me/gives meaning to my life?
How do I want to contribute to others in my next phase of life?
What and who will support me through this transition?

Exploring the answers to these questions and others will help you find your true North and create your next best chapter of life in a way that is aligned with who you truly are.

Be kind to yourself. Transitions can be both scary and times of meaningful growth and discovery. Embrace the adventure and remember, you don’t have to do it alone. Coaching can help shepherd the process.

Sabrina Roblin, CPCC, a former executive and founder of Life Reinspired, is happily enjoying her best chapter of life. She now helps others do the same. Schedule a free Life Reinspired Strategy Session or email info@lifereinspired.com.

Keep Looking Up!

Sabrina Roblin — Mon, 28 Feb 2022 18:19:08 +0000

“It requires so much courage and strength to endure love for the beauty of the world.”

-From Beguiled by Beauty, by Wendy Farley

I get overwhelmed by the world at times and wonder what to write that will be of value, what will make a positive difference in your day. I’ve started reading a book by Wendy Farley called, Beguiled by Beauty that has been just on time for me given that the events in Ukraine have added to the already stressful times of the pandemic and the climate crisis. It’s what inspired this month’s quote and blog. It’s helping me keep my eyes and heart open at a time when I want to close them and just “not look up” (check out the movie, Don’t Look Up). It’s reminded me of the importance of beauty, of appreciating it and creating it, in order to experience wonder and joy, and preserve our humanity.

Keeping my heart open to the suffering of the world is almost unbearable at times, and yet it’s the only way I can experience love and its beauty, and without that, life would be cold and empty.

Here are a few of my own reminders that I hope will make a difference for you –

Practice daily self-care, get plenty of rest.
Stay connected to the innate goodness in the world through loved ones, beauty, spirituality, and inspirational reading.
Remember the eight pillars of happiness from last month’s blog (link here).
Envision a better world and take actions, even small ones to make it real.
Set healthy boundaries around how much of the daily news you take in. I’ve started reading The Optimist Daily to balance out the negativity of the mainstream news cycle.
Music is one of my favorite expressions of beauty. Listen to your favorite music often and check out this month’s inspirational song below.

And remember, I would be honored to be one of the people on your support team. I’ve added spiritual direction/guidance to my coaching practice. There is no religious agenda. It’s about deep listening in the griefs of life and experiencing more joy, meaning, richness and connection to the divine in ways that are meaningful to you. Contact me for a free session.

Stay well and keep looking up!

The Eight Pillars of Happiness

Sabrina Roblin — Wed, 26 Jan 2022 22:37:40 +0000

Last month’s blog, the Three Essentials of a Joyful Life, inspired a lot of positive feedback. I realized from your feedback and recent coaching conversations, that you’d like more information about how to cultivate joy and happiness during the challenging times we’re navigating. So, this month I’m writing about the eight pillars of happiness from The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World by, His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. It’s a book I’ve had since its release that has been especially helpful during the last couple of years. I refer to it often for reminders about how to cultivate joy while navigating times of stress, anger, grief, illness, and death.

On page 145 is a Tibetan saying that, “…it is actually the painful experiences that shine the light on the nature of happiness”. This points to the first of the eight pillars:

Perspective. The lens we see our challenges through makes all the difference in how we navigate the difficulty.

Humility. This is the quality or state of not thinking you are better than anyone else.

Humor. The ability to laugh at yourself and your circumstances is the next pillar. Laughter with a friend is also a doorway to joy.

Acceptance. By accepting life’s inevitable sadness and grief, we open the door to growth and healing.

Forgiveness. Nelson Mandela once said that hatred is like drinking poison and then expecting the other person to die. Doing the work of forgiveness for self and others frees us from the pain and suffering.

Gratitude. This is one of my favorites because it opens the heart to all that is working in life, opens our eyes to new opportunities we might otherwise miss and inspires us to feel positive about the future.

Compassion. It is about understanding the suffering of another and taking action to help relieve that suffering.

Generosity. It is a cousin to compassion and means being kind and generous. The sharing the love and resources in our lives.

I recommend the book. I also invite you to choose one of the pillars over the next month as a daily practice to cultivate joy. Not only will you experience more joy and well-being, it will spill over to your loved ones, colleagues and community.

Feel free to reach out for a conversation about how to successfully navigate the challenges in your life and cultivate more joy!

3 Essentials for a Joyful LIfe

Sabrina Roblin — Mon, 20 Dec 2021 19:32:19 +0000

In all my years of soul searching and personal growth, and through the research I’ve done for Life Reinspired, I’ve come to realize that underneath all that we wrestle with in life, there are only three things we really want –

Aliveness

Zip, effervescence, vitality, enthusiasm

Love

To love and be loved.

Meaning

The feeling that we matter, our life matters, and has purpose.

I call it ALM’s. The dictionary meaning of alms is the food and money we give to the poor. When we don’t have Aliveness, Love and Meaning, we feel poor in heart and spirit and in our humanness and “human-mess”, we look for all kinds of crazy ways to fill up the internal coffers so as not to feel that lack and emptiness.

ALM’s are what will truly fill you up.

The holidays are the season of the heart. A time of generosity, kindness, love, forgiveness, gratitude, peace, joy and patience. Capture opportunities for giving and receiving these qualities, even if they are just micro moments in the midst of a busy season.

Thank you for helping to make this a meaningful year for me.

Happy Holidays!

Sabrina Roblin, CPCC, a former executive and founder of Life Reinspired, is happily enjoying her best chapter of life. She now helps others do the same.

Empower Opportunity in the Face of Fear and Uncertainty

Sabrina Roblin — Mon, 27 Sep 2021 20:32:56 +0000

I believe the times we’re in are heralding a shift for humanity from a world paradigm of fear, power and control which leads to exclusivity and tribalism (I’m special, you’re not) to a world paradigm of love, abundance, interdependence, and collaboration which leads to inclusivity, and embracing all of humanity as one. The pandemic and the climate crisis are showing us the truth of our interdependence and connection. This shift which we see playing out in the news cycle around the world is also happening on a personal level on both the inside and the outside.

I know I feel it. The world is shifting in me and around me. My perceptions and how I live my life are changing. I’m finding to stay grounded and centered in the chaos of all the change I need restorative practices like meditation, regular exercise, connection with people I love and respect, spiritual practices, and lots of rest. When fear of the future grips me, I need to focus on joy, beauty, gratitude and love. This doesn’t mean I’m ignoring difficult changes and circumstances. To me it means cultivating those qualities of joy, beauty, gratitude and love in me so that I can bring them to whatever and whoever I’m interacting with during the day. And have compassion for myself when I fail to do that. I need to remind myself constantly to “stay close in” as the poet David Whyte says. To focus on what’s in front of me rather than trying to see into the future that’s unknowable and get scared by the uncertainty that lies there. By doing these things I stay grounded and become a steward of transformation, living into the new paradigm.

These are times of both crisis and great opportunity. We are all being called forth to bring our gifts and talents to bear in service of the shift that is happening. We are all being called to embrace ourselves and each other in joy, beauty, gratitude and love. In what ways will you cultivate these qualities? In what ways will you serve this transformation? If you’re unsure about the second question, ask yourself – where does my great joy meet a deep need I see in the world?

Be guided and supported in bridging transition in your life. Learn wisdom and practices that will serve you for the rest of your life. Reach out for a free Life Reinspired Strategy Session. Contact me at info@lifereinspired.com.