Life Reinspired

Vulnerability – a doorway to living fully

Sabrina Roblin — Wed, 26 Apr 2023 16:34:53 +0000

We get so many messages in our culture about looking good, doing it right, and having it together, that there is a tendency in our society to blame others, try to fix every flaw, act out of fear, and avoid pain. We see it playing out in technicolor in the news these days.

The truth is, we can’t avoid vulnerability, emotional pain, and heartbreak. To be alive, to love, to be a parent, to navigate in the world in our mortal bodies is vulnerable and at times painful. It’s part of life.

If you’re familiar with Brene Brown, you’ll know that she has done some fantastic work on vulnerability. She says, “Vulnerability is not weakness: it’s our greatest measure of courage.”

What became even more apparent to Brene is that when we numb our vulnerability to protect ourselves, we are also numbing ourselves to joy, gratitude, and happiness.

Intimacy, possibility, and transformation can only occur when we are willing to bring our whole heart to life. It is a risk, it takes courage when we are vulnerable, because it’s an entry into the unknown. We don’t have control of the outcome. Things may not work out the way we want, and yet if we want a fulfilling life filled with joy, gratitude and happiness, the willingness to be vulnerable is essential.

There are many ways we experience vulnerability on a daily basis. We can build our capacity for it by exercising discernment, setting healthy boundaries, and practicing intentionally. A few examples are saying no to someone we love risking anger or rejection; trying a new experience we’re not good at; admitting a mistake; allowing ourselves to feel shame, grief, fear, and disappointment.

Living into vulnerability doesn’t happen without practice. You don’t have to start with the big thing.

What is one thing you can begin to do or say differently to create more space for vulnerability to live and grow in your life?

Sabrina Roblin, CPCC, a former executive and co-founder of Life Reinspired, is happily enjoying her best chapter of life. She now helps others do the same. Schedule a free Life Reinspired Strategy Session or email info@lifereinspired.com to learn more.

Hope Is Essential To Living

Sabrina Roblin — Tue, 28 Mar 2023 02:34:51 +0000

I was thinking the other day about what is one thing that we need most amidst the cultural increase of anger, uncertainty, and despair. I thought of the essential nature of hope, and the lack of it in today’s cultural narratives. The lyrics of this month’s song by Carrie Newcomer say it well, “The shadows of this world will say, there’s no hope why try anyway?”

What is hope and why is it essential to living? Hope is a desire for a certain thing to happen, or a feeling of trust in a positive outcome even when things are difficult. Hope is essential to dreaming of a better future and creative problem solving. It is a flame in the heart that gives us the fuel to dream and move forward even in the face of uncertainty.

Without hope we no longer extend the energy to imagine something better and take action to make it real. Hopelessness engenders despair and inaction. And if you take a daily dose of the 24/7 news cycle, there is plenty of information to engender despair. Life circumstances can also engender despair – a health or financial crisis, the loss of a job, home, or loved one.

We must have hope to dream and create a compelling future for ourselves and others.

Hope is a spiritual practice and something we can develop to lift our spirits and inspire our creativity. Hope opens up possibility. Research has shown that it decreases stress and improves our health and quality of life. It opens and lifts the heart which fuels love and generosity, improving relationships.

So, feed yourself a daily dose of hope and optimism. Here are a few ways:

Have a daily gratitude practice. Write down at least three things you’re grateful for on a daily basis. It could be simple things like a loved one, a meal, clean running water and sunshine.
Read articles daily on one of the many good news websites like the Daily Optimist, the Good News Network, or Daily Good.
Listen to upbeat music and dance around your kitchen in the morning or sing in the shower.
Create a vision of your compelling future and take one action each day to make it real.

What we focus on grows. With daily practice your hope muscle will strengthen which will make a positive difference in your outlook, sense of well-being and life experience.

The Real vs. The Ideal

Sabrina Roblin — Mon, 30 Jan 2023 16:27:08 +0000

There is always a gap between the life we’re living and the life we want to create. It’s what inspires us to change, grow, and make New Year’s resolutions. Did you know that 80% of New Year’s resolutions fall away by February? How are the resolutions you made at the beginning of the month going for you? Are you still engaged in them?

If your answer is no, you’re in good company and there are at least two good reasons why.

First is, with the best of intentions, we make resolutions without addressing our internal landscape – what we believe, our perspectives. We fail to address these and create a compelling vision to inspire our action.

The second is that we try to do it alone. We fail to create the support and accountability we need to be successful.

I’m sure you probably know that successful athletes not only have a compelling vision, but they also have a coach as well as other support team members. It’s what we need to be successful in our own lives as well. Without them we fall back into our old habits, and nothing changes.

Hiring a good coach is one of the best things you can do to move forward on your New Year’s resolutions and be supported in narrowing that gap on the real vs. the ideal in your life.

Persist in your resolutions. Create your compelling vision and be held accountable to it. Get started, by scheduling a free Life Reinspired strategy session to experience the benefits of coaching and learn more.

The Wonder of the Season

Sabrina Roblin — Thu, 01 Dec 2022 17:35:41 +0000

One Christmas morning when I was a little girl, I woke up excited, ran downstairs and found the Christmas stockings empty. I was devastated. I ran back upstairs to my parent’s room and burst in crying that Santa had forgotten us. In my mother’s sleepy state, she must have been thinking fast. She asked me to go back downstairs and check again, just to make sure. I ran downstairs, checked in and around the stockings, found them empty, and ran back to my parent’s room, still crying that Santa had forgotten us. My mother suggested that I check on the roof outside their bedroom window, that the stocking stuffers may have fallen out of Santa’s sack. I ran to the window, opened it, and there on the roof, were small toys and candies meant for the stockings. I squealed in delight, with tears of happiness.

I learned many years later that after coming home from a Christmas Eve party with friends, my parents had forgotten to stuff the stockings before retiring for the night. When my mother sent me back downstairs to check again, she jumped out of bed, threw all the stocking stuffers out on the roof and returned to bed so I wouldn’t know what she’d done. Forgetting turned out to be the best mistake they could have made. Finding the stuffers on the roof enhanced and made real the mystery, wonder and delight of Christmas for me in a way I remember in detail to this day.

Whatever your holiday traditions and beliefs are, it is a time to embrace the wonder and mystery of the unseen, and to bring light to the dark places within and without, through decorations, kind words, and the sharing of good food and laughter. It can be a blue time for many who are especially in need of a hug, a kind word, or the offer of a meal. If you are alone and blue this holiday season, reach out for support.

Be on the lookout for wonder this season and create moments of wonder for others. It brings out the best in us, lifts our spirits and warms our hearts.

Blessings to all and thank you for the gift of your trust and referrals throughout the year!

Embrace the ‘D’ word for better living

Sabrina Roblin — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 23:24:52 +0000

If your reaction to any mention of the dreaded ‘D’ word- death, is dismissal or denial, and if you want to stop reading and click out to something different, you’re in good company. I had a near death experience in my teens, have a will and health directive, have worked as a chaplain in a hospital, and yet I still live at times as though I’m not going to die. Even with the knowledge and experience I have, I often feel as though that final chapter doesn’t apply to me. As terrifying and painful as this life can be at times, it’s still my life and I value it and who and what I love about it deeply. When the time comes, it will be hard to let it go. Although denial is a normal reaction, I invite you to stay and keep reading, as embracing death and educating yourself about it can enrich life and be a gift to your loved ones.

“Perhaps the fact of life most conducive to living fully as a person is an honest awareness and acceptance of death.” – Leo Buscaglia

Facing our mortality and having the important conversations about death and dying with loved ones takes courage. It’s important to embrace courage and have them BEFORE a health crisis, while we’re still healthy. It’s a gift to yourself and your loved ones so that in the midst of a crisis and impending loss, they can rest in the knowing of what to do to honor your values and your wishes.

Where to start?

We die in the character in which we’ve lived, so live now with purpose – contribute to something greater than yourself.
Cultivate your relationships – let your loved ones know how much they mean to you.
Cherish life and all that is good each day.
Answer the following questions and share the answers with your loved ones

What are your fears? (We often fear loss of independence and suffering before death more than death itself).

What tradeoffs are you willing to make to try to stop progression of a disease and or effects of a critical injury? What are you willing and not willing to endure?

If you are critically injured or ill, do you want extreme measures to be taken in the hospital to keep you alive at all costs or not?

Do you prefer to die at home with hospice care and your loved ones around you?

Do you want to donate organs and tissues?

Do you have a health directive that outlines your wishes and has assigned someone you trust with power of attorney for health care if you’re unable to speak for yourself?

What do you believe about death and the afterlife and how does that support you or not?

We won’t have control over how and when we die, but if we have the courage to prepare well, we can increase the chances of being the author of a better death experience for ourselves and our loved ones.

For those who want to engage more with this topic I recommend, The Five Invitations: What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully, by Frank Ostaseski. And as always, I’m here for a conversation, coaching, and spiritual guidance.

Assumptions and Expectations Can Be Relationship Killers

Sabrina Roblin — Sat, 17 Sep 2022 21:31:02 +0000

The title of this month’s blog sounds dramatic, and yet it’s true. Assumptions and expectations about a person’s beliefs and behavior can kill a relationship over time, especially when they are unspoken.

Example assumptions and expectations include:

Now that we have a grandchild, you will want to have them at home during the week for a few hours each day just like I will because you love them as much as I do.
Now that I’m retired and home all the time, you’ll want to spend every day with me because I want to spend every day with you. If you don’t, I’ll feel hurt and rejected.
When I get home, you’ll want to hear about everything I did during my day and be totally present and interested in what I have to say. If you’re not, it means you don’t care about me.
Because you’re my best friend you’ll want to talk with me on the phone once a week for at least an hour. Because I want that, you’ll want that too and be available for it.

These are just a few that can trip us up. The judgement, disappointment, resentment, and anger they can engender become blocks to love and connection.

Conversation that is open and curious to name and explore them is so important, especially for a couple going through a major life change – retirement from a career, an illness, a change in finances or home, or the birth of a grandchild. It is an opportunity to create understanding and design how you want to live individually and together in the relationship.

Relationships are essential to our well-being and are the most important of the five pillars to a fulfilling life. We dream of growing old with our mates and dear friends. By the time we’ve reached the second half of life, we don’t need research to tell us that they are the source of both our greatest pleasures and deepest pains. Navigating them well makes a huge difference in the level of fulfillment and satisfaction we experience in our lives.

Set aside undisturbed time to sit down as a couple or with a best friend. Be as curious about exploring the assumptions and expectations as you would a different country and culture with its customs and beliefs. Then create some agreements about how you’ll find common ground and honor each other. It will reinvigorate your relationship and create the space for more love, joy, understanding and fun.

It All Comes Down to Love

Sabrina Roblin — Fri, 26 Aug 2022 22:42:12 +0000

This summer, I was in a chaplaincy internship at St. Luke’s Hospital in Boise, Idaho, deepening my ability to be present, and increasing my spiritual direction skills with people in a health crisis from all walks of life. It was intense, challenging, emotional at times, and incredibly meaningful. I worked in the intensive care units, medical-surgery, emergency, and had a few visits in labor and delivery supporting anxious Dads whose wives were having complications. In addition to becoming incredibly grateful for my health and the health of my loved ones, I learned what really matters…people…love.

In intensive care I saw two teenage boys tenderly stroke the forehead and kiss the cheek of their mother who was intubated and couldn’t speak. I talked to a man who deeply regretted leaving a woman he loved earlier in his life for a job opportunity. He never loved the same way again. I talked to a woman who ended up in a homeless shelter so she could spend all her money to support her husband in a dementia program where he would be cared for and safe. I met with family members who traveled across the country and from as far away as India at the drop of a hat to see a loved one who had been injured or was dying. I supported deathbed vigils that were expected and those that were unexpected.

In the sick bed and the death bed, people didn’t talk about their in box or the project that needed to be finished at home, they talked about family and loved ones. They talked about taking care of each other, they shared memories of time spent together, their regrets, the nicknames they had for each other. They grieved and prayed for miracles.

I learned how quickly a loved one can be lost – a car accident, an aneurism, a heart attack, a difficult birth, an unexpected complication of surgery. People, those we love and serve, are the most important pillar of our lives. Make them a priority. It all comes down to love.

Rest & Play are Essential for Well-Being

Sabrina Roblin — Thu, 30 Jun 2022 20:52:42 +0000

My father was a restauranteur with a strong work ethic. He worked long hours in a stressful and demanding career as a renowned chef. He was completely dedicated to his restaurant and his craft, yet every summer he handed the reins to his kitchen staff and took six weeks off at our small family cabin in the mountains to flyfish, rest and enjoy the natural beauty. I would join him as part of my summer vacation. It gave me some of my most treasured childhood memories of flyfishing with him, wading aimlessly in creeks, tracking the sun and the stars, looking for wildflowers, and playing cards. There was no TV. I remember the comfort of the wood stove being fired up in the morning, the smell of fresh trout cooking in butter, lazing in the hammock under the pine trees, and trying to catch crickets in the afternoon as they guaranteed a trout on the line.

Those summers were some of my best teachers and healers. They informed my life and taught me the essential values of rest, play, and time spent in nature. They restored my spirit and optimism. I would return to the new school year ready to engage in learning and creative projects.

Just normal life is stressful and challenging. The times we’re in are unprecedented, driving up stress levels to new heights, making the need for rest and play that much more essential for our health and well-being.

So, take time this summer to recreate your favorite summer memories and create some new ones. Unplug and allow yourself rest, play and laughter. Pleasure is one of the five P’s, a foundational pillar of a balanced, fulfilling, and ‘Reinspired’ life.

Sabrina Roblin, CPCC, a former executive and founder of Life Reinspired, is happily enjoying her best chapter of life. She now helps others do the same. Schedule a free Life Reinspired Strategy Session or email info@lifereinspired.com.

The Resilience of Hope

Sabrina Roblin — Fri, 03 Jun 2022 18:26:48 +0000

The violence of the recent shootings and the uncertainty of these times can get the best of me, the best of us. It can intensify the questions and natural anxiety of leaving a long-time career and dreaming into a next chapter of life. What will I do next? Will I be OK financially? Can I take the risk of dreaming, of trying something new? What happens if it doesn’t work out? Amidst all that’s happening in the world, how do I continue to dream into a future that is so uncertain?

To meet these questions and stay engaged in dreaming and action, it’s important to maintain resilience. Hope – the expectation of a better future is an essential aspect of resilience. When feeling overwhelmed or in despair beauty is my ‘go to’. It is a balm for my heart and spirit, especially the beauty and resilience of nature. Living in the mountains, I experience the garden and the mountains being completely covered and frozen under snow in winter, and then what looks dead, comes to life and greens up in the Spring. It opens my heart to awe and wonder, settles my nervous system and restores a sense of inner calm and hope for the future. If nature can do that, certainly we can!

Beauty may be a key source of resilience and hope for you, or it may be something else. What is your ‘go to’? Who or what gives you strength, restores your inner balance, clarity and hope?

Engage with whatever your answer is to those questions, for hope keeps your dreams alive, and dreaming is the first step to making something real. When you’re ready for action, in the words of David Whyte, “Start close in.” Trust your knowing and take just that first step that’s right in front of you. The one you see clearly. Like driving at night, only seeing what your headlights illuminate in the darkness, that first step will lead you to the next one.

Rediscover Your Purpose in a New Form

Sabrina Roblin — Mon, 25 Apr 2022 20:17:02 +0000

At the end of March I was interviewed by Richard Eisenberg of MarketWatch for his column, The View From Unretirement. One of his questions was why people are lost after their career ends, to the point that they shrink in their lives and don’t move on. My answer was that we get our identity and self-worth so tied up in our careers, we feel lost and irrelevant without it. We mistake the career for our identity rather than a way to express ourselves in the world. We think our work was our purpose and that without it we no longer have one. This points to the importance of purpose which is one of the five pillars of my Life Reinspired work.

David Brooks writes about purpose in his book, The Second Mountain, which is one of my favorite reads for the 3rd act of life. “If you know what your purpose is, you can handle the setbacks” (p.30). Without purpose you can flounder in a sense of loss.

Re-reading The Second Mountain has been part of my recent study of joy. I’ve read several books on the topic. Guess what’s mentioned in each one as something important to a joyful life…purpose. Purpose brings us joy, and when we look at what brings us joy, we can find our purpose.

All this is a reminder of the core value of purpose in our lives – the potential loss of it when a career ends and the importance of rediscovering it in a new form.

Retiring from a career is an opportunity for self-discovery, to reprioritize and redesign life for more joy and meaning. Rediscover your purpose in a new form. Take time to reflect, explore and redesign your life around answers to the following questions:

What’s my best life?
What brings me joy?
What do I believe in?
What do I look forward to each day?

Purpose can be as simple and sweet as time with grandchildren or volunteering in your community, and as grand as being part of a world-changing endeavor. It’s up to you!